The Strength Mom Had

Just wanted to tell you a bit about my mom. She really was strong. She graduated from Ohio State University and was a teacher of deaf and hard of hearing kids. She was a good teacher, but didn't always find work in her field of study. Back in the 60's she left my dad (due to his drinking and abuse) and loaded up four of us kids in a station wagon and drove us from Buffalo, NY to Miami Beach. She hired a babysitter and took a job modeling swim suits by the hotel pools as there were no teaching jobs available at the time.

She met a guy and they had a baby together and he wanted to marry her. He showed her a house he wanted to move in with her and him, the new baby and us four kids. A few days after that, she loaded five of us kids in the car and off to Los Angeles we went. She said "I'll be darned if I will ever have you kids living in a shack like that. If he thinks that little of me and you kids, forget him."

Another 3 day trip to L.A. with her taking naps at drive in movie theaters to save on motel costs. She hired babysitters and took jobs being a substitute teacher, working in the girls part of a Juvenille Hall, and other various jobs.

She married my step dad when I was ten. He was bad news all the way around. He was in the war and had untreated PTSD which made him act out in angry ways to us all particularly my mom. She was a battered wife and we were battered kids - some of us physically and all of us emotionally. Eight years later she finally left him.

She took jobs as a real estate agent, office worker for the government, jewelry sales and held yard sales and took things to sell at swap meets. After us kids were out and on our own, she also sold oil paintings. She rented 3 room houses and rented out two of the rooms for college students to make money for herself. She was very resourceful.

She knew how to make it in this world no matter what. She did suffer battered wives syndrome and that is why I believe she didn't leave my abusive step dad. Thank goodness he is the one who decided to leave her. He left her for a younger woman and my mom was saddened tremendously by that, but she was so much better off without him. She did meet one other man and married him, but had the marriage annulled and left him quickly when she knew he was abusive, too. It took strength for her to leave him and not fall back into having an abusive man in her life.

My mom went many times without food so we could eat. I would say "Aren't you going to serve a plate for yourself?" "Oh, I already ate honey," she would reply. I knew it was untrue as I was in the kitchen the whole time helping her prepare our meal. My mom had to do lots of things that required strength and courage. Leaving men that were no good for her required that strength. I heard her say a few times about the men in her life "Honey, do as I say about men, not as I do. Don't get yourself mixed up with a man who doesn't truly love and respect you." Well, I wound up in an abusive marriage myself, and after ten years in that relationship, I finally left. My ex is much nicer now to the kids and is respectful of me now that we are not together anymore.

Anyway, it takes strength and courage to leave abusive situations. I understand my mom's situation a bit more since I was in a similar situation myself when I married. I could see how tough it was to leave an abusive man when you had no money or job available. But my mom eventually got out and did much better on her own. That gave me the strength to leave my bad situation, too.

My mom had to put up with many tough things in life. At times she had to go on welfare because we didn't have much money and no teaching jobs were available. My mom had Teaching Credentials and yet no work was to be found and here she was getting welfare and putting up with often mean social workers. She cried lots of the time, but she still managed to always have food on the table. When we got older we managed to get jobs and help out with the money situation, too.

Just doing laundry with five kids was a test of endurance for my mom. Anyway, there is much more to my mom and I hope to write some more soon here. It can get a bit emotional thinking on this things. I just wanted to acknowledge the strength my mom had and the courage she had, has been a good model for me when I need that same strength and courage. I want to focus more on the good things my mom did than focus on the negative stuff. I guess that happens when you are in middle age. You can look back and see things much differently. Thanks for reading this. If you want to share some of your mom's strengths, feel free to do so in the comments section.